FrontierVille Hilarious Mission Series makes a game of Zynga's game

Bull@%!#
While these missions aren't actually in FrontierVille, you'll probably wish they were after taking a look at a few of them. A friend and fan of FrontierVille Info, Alexander Cain, employed some Photoshop magic to the standard FrontierVille Goal window for some gut-splitting albeit potentially offensive parodies of the game. Take Cain's first mission, "Bull@%!#," for example. It's description reads, "Trying to sort through all of the connection problems, begging requests, missed quests, crashes and overpriced decorations is sure a load of you-know-what! See if you can come up with a load of you-know-what on your own!"

To complete the Goal, you would fittingly enough have to collect 10 Meadow Muffins, sell 20 Adult Oxen and buy 10 Shovels. Another funny Mission, titled "Quit Arson Around," is described as, "Suspicious fires have been popping up all around your frontier lately; no one seems to know who is responsible. Maybe if you bought more Horseshoes, these things wouldn't happen." Thankfully, Zynga isn't that vindictive, but if they were at least we happen to have the tools to put them out.

Some of the more potentially offensive Missions include "Alone at Last," which reads, "A nice neighbor has taken the kids off your hands for the evening, leaving just you and your spouse. Search your homestead and your heart for some appropriate items for both fun AND pleasure," and "Cruci-fix'un!" We'll leave that last Goal to your imaginations, but check out the original post for even better laughs.

FarmVille English Countryside Sheep Pen Goals: Everything you need to know

The best part of the English Countryside expansion is probably the Goals. This relatively new feature to FarmVille guides you along into creating everything you need for your farm. In this case, the Sheep Pen Goals will task you with creating your own Sheep Pen and later breed your first Ewe. Join us behind the break to see how it's done.

1. Et Tu, Brutus?

    Buy a Sheep Pen
    Visit 6 Neighbors
    View your Progress

Et Tu, Brutus
This Goal will lead you straight to the Sheep Pen if you click on the button "Get Sheep Pen" in the Goal's window. Thankfully, you can visit neighbors on either their original farms or their English farms for it to count. And finally, viewing your progress is as easy as clicking on the map button next to the Plow Tool. For completing this Goal, you'll net a cool 200 XP, 1,500 coins and Brutus the Ram to get you started.

2. Please Fence Me In

    Complete a Sheep Pen
    Buy and Place 8 Country Fences
    Expand your farm to an English Homestead

Please Fence Me In
To find out how to complete the Sheep Pen, check out our full guide. Country Fences cost 300 coins a piece and can be found in the Decorations section in the Market. Expanding your farm is simple enough: Just click on the borders of your farm and the option will appear in the Market. However, this expansion costs 25 thousands coins and all expansion require Surveyors, which we covered in a neat little guide. Complete this Goal and you'll receive an Old Garage, 200 XP and 1,500 coins.

3. I'll Get Ewe

    Buy one Ewe

I'll Get Ewe
That's it. Honestly. Just snag one Ewe by clicking on the "Get Sheep" button and this Goal is complete. Just for this simple task, 200 XP, 2,000 coins and five Love Potions are yours.

4. On the Lamb

    Breed and produce a Lamb
    Place on Lamb on your farm
    Feed your Lamb 10 Baby Bottles

On the Lamb
To learn how to breed Sheep, check out our guide right here. Once that's all said and done, you'll receive 1,500 coins, 250 XP, a Golden Sheep Statue and Gertrude the Ewe. And now you're ready to breed to your heart's content.

[Source and Image Credit: FarmVille Freak]

Check out the rest of our English Countryside coverage right here.

Have you completed the Sheep Pen Goals yet? What tips might you have for completing these Goals any faster?

FarmVille English Countryside Pub Goals: Everything you need to know

Unfortunately, Zynga has yet to bring any of the old Crafting Buildings from the original FarmVille to the English Countryside. Bah! Who needs them when we have our very own Pub to brew delicious beers and wines in and get wasted in? Like all of the new features in this expansion, they're accompanied by a series of Goals. In this case, there are five Goals leading to the creation (and liberal use) of the Pub.

1. Listen Up

    Visit 6 Neighbors
    View your Progress

Listen Up
That was easy enough, huh? Just give six friends a visit and click on the map icon above the Gifts button to complete this quest. Your reward? Enjoy 1,500 coins, 100 XP and a Bench.

2. Rodents of Ruin

    Get 6 Mouse Traps
    Harvest 75 Hops
    Harvest 75 Barley

Rodents of Ruin
To get the six Mouse Traps, you'll need to ask your friends directly through the "Ask Friends" button within the Goal window. Hops cost 150 coins a piece and Barley costs 80 coins, so the combined cost for this Goals comes to 17,250 coins. And unless you already have a massive farm, this Goal is going to take at least one day to finish dependent upon your space constraints and cash reserves. Either way, enjoy the 2,000 coins, 200 XP and 5 Farm Cash as reward.

3. Stock the Bar

    Get 6 Pint Glasses
    Harvest 100 Bluebell Flowers

Stock the Bar
Again, you'll need to ask your friends for the 6 Pint Glasses through the Goal's menu window. Since Bluebell Flowers cost 120 coins a piece, this Goal will cost you 12 thousand coins even. At least, this Goal will take 12 hours to complete given the crops' harvest timer. Finish this Goal to earn 2,500 coins, 250 XP and, finally, your Pub.

4. Lagerheads

    Place the Pub on your Farm
    Make the Duke's Stout Recipe two times
    Buy one Pub Cat

Lagerheads
The Pub will be in your Gift Box waiting to be placed, so go on and do it. The Duke's Stout recipe is the first brew you'll craft, so check our guide right here to find out how to use the Pub. Once that's through, buy one Pub Cat through the Market for 5 thousand coins and consider this Goal finished. A Pub Sign Decoration, 2,500 coins and 250 XP will serve as your reward.

5. A Berry Good Drink

    Harvest 100 Red Currants
    Make Oliviaberry Beer twice

A Berry Good Drink
Red Currants are basically the Strawberries of the English Countryside, so they'll only take four hours to harvest. However, this Goal will put you 4 thousand coins in the hole. Again, to find out how to create Oliviaberry Beer and other recipes check out our guide. This final Goal will reward players with 5 thousand coins, 500 XP and a Pub Keeper outfit for your avatar. After this, the Duke will appear and inform you that this is the final Goal in the English Countryside at the moment, so continue farming as you please.

[Source and Image Credit: FarmVille Freak]

Check out the rest of our English Countryside coverage right here.